Surviving is my best revenge

Old habits are back and as annoying as that is, staying up until all hours of the night doubting myself and questioning everything just feels like home. I'm so glad to be out of PA but I miss Philly. It never really clicked anyway but there was a short time where the R5 was my lifeline, Prospect Park was where the party was and center city seemed to reach into the sky forever. There was an even shorter time where I was homeless in the DC suburbs in the summertime, and that was in all honesty both one of the best and worst times in my life.

Then there was last summer. My band and label fell apart at the seams and I buried myself in the 9-5. Then the 11-7. And finally the 7-7. 90 hour weeks are a great way to get your mind off the fact that everything you believed in and worked for and dedicated yourself to crumbled in a matter of days. The best part is finding yourself jobless and homeless in a matter of minutes.

I recently returned from my obligatory mid year crisis trip to Chicago, where I saw the closest thing to Screeching Weasel I'll ever see. Logan Square already feels more like home than anywhere else I've ever been, save for the back of a van speeding down some unnamed highway in middle America at 2am. Riding the Blue Line is an unexplainable bliss. I would gladly live in a city where I didn't need a car. I want to disappear into a tiny apartment high above the street and write. I want to spend less time wishing and more time doing. I want to simplify. I want to distance myself from obligations and responsibilities and just live. I want freedom.

The funny thing about 2AM is as the world sleeps I'm planning my next move and nobody knows. And that's just the way I like it. The reality of it is I never gave up I just gave in. At the end of the day I'm still trying, I'm still believing and I'm still surviving. And that's all that matters.

I'm going nowhere fast and I'm never coming back

It felt like the right time for a new blog. More to follow soon.

For older entries, visit http://johnnyhero.blogspot.com